I saw a meme the other day (I’m sure you did too), the specifics of which I can’t recall, but it was something to the extent that 2021 is just a 2020 who can now drink. Yeah, pretty much. 2021, our drunken little hellscape baby, isn’t even two months old and yet a pandemic still…
Drinks
A Very Wrong and Offensive Vodka Martini
In the absence of having anything valuable to add in kissing off this dumpster fire year we called 2020, I wrote some satire about one thing that always makes me laugh: the War on Christmas. “Dear Valued Antifa Members, I trust this letter finds you well, or as well as possible under these trying circumstances,…
Rosemary Maple Bourbon Sours
“This is the worst-case scenario, my friends. Don’t take anything for granted. Yes, you are voting. But they are not trying to win an election anymore. Those words should chill you, to your very bones. Because the truth is that more often than not — coups succeed.” —Umair Haque I’m dedicating today’s post, published on…
Fresh Cherry Margaritas
Last week I went on a Writing Retreat. Does that sound fancy? Serene? A tad self-indulgent? Are you picturing a secluded cabin in a beautiful, wooded, naturescape like the Catskills? Or perhaps a little seaside villa overlooking an idyllic rocky seaside in Maine? Are you possibly imagining a formally organized retreat, some lovely company that…
Falling Down Brown Cow
Imagine you are running a marathon with the goal of winning the race. I feel like it’s important to explicitly say the part about trying to win, because if I were to run a marathon, my only goal would be don’t die. But anyways, you’re running this marathon, for which you’ve trained for months if…
Seriously Dirty Martini
The end of 2019 is directly upon us, bearing down like a terrifying freight train or creeping in like a tortoise on downers, depending on your perspective and experience. Whatever anyone’s personal impression, we all agree this is the time of year every media outlet obsesses over (usually) best-of year-end lists. I feel the compulsion…
Julia Reed’s Scotch Old-Fashioned
“I do not understand this person on any level. Buy candy and hand it out. If you run out of candy, turn your light off. The end.” —Molly with the Mediocre Hair, Jezebel Commenter As my regulars know, about a year and a half ago, Mr. Wallace and I traded our beloved city life for…
Paloma with Chaat Masala
“Telling people not to complain is an act of power, a way of asserting that one’s position is more important than another one’s pain.” —Sarah Kendzior Senator Kamala Harris has officially announced her 2020 presidential bid! Appearing on Rachel Maddow’s show for her campaign’s kickoff media appearance on January 23rd (2019), Harris said that her…
Dirty Blue Cheese Olive Martinis
“Screw it, let’s do it” –Richard Branson I’m back! Shortly after publishing this post, 2018 took an unexpected turn when Mr. Wallace and I upended all our best-laid plans and decided to finally become Real Adults: we bought a house in the suburbs. As is the case with most recent suburban New Jerseyan home-buyers, we…
